So when I last left you, we had just arrived in Charleston after what seemed like a 82 hour road trip. We finally settled down for the night to get some sleep, because Thanksgiving was that next day and there was a lot of cooking, playing, and watching of parades and football to be done. Kristen woke up early and headed downstairs to spend some time with her family. I stayed in the uncomfort of the air mattress for a while longer, trying to recover from the long car ride. After not being able to get a good rest, I pulled myself off the floor, got dressed and descended into the madness downstairs.
Amelia was watching the parade on tv and seemed to be enjoying it. Derek was off playing with his cousins and most of the women were in the kitchen and dining room, preparing the day’s feast. Kristen’s youngest sister was passed out and sleeping on the couch. She would remain there for the next three days of our trip and for all I know, is still sleeping there now. I got myself a hearty breakfast which was made of a chocolate chip brownie cookie and a pizzelle, which is a traditional Italian waffle cookie. This would also probably be the healthiest meal I would eat all weekend. I think I gained close to 32 pounds this weekend. Thankfully, the weekend was only a couple of days. If not, I would have had a massive heart attack and died before the end of the year.
I made my way out of the kitchen and out of the way of the cooks. I settled in the living room and watched a bit of the parade. The dog show came on and we watched a bit of this as well. I soon remembered that I was not a woman, and changed the channel to the football game. My nephew, who is now 13 years old, was finally excited to have someone else in the house who enjoyed sports as much as he did. So we enjoyed watching the game together…for about five minutes. He soon became the type of fan that knew everything about everything and was commenting on the stupidity of the players, coaches, refs and anyone else in the room who was breathing. He would shout out what was happening in the game, but was wrong about 99% of the time. When he would actually get something right, he would run around the house yelling it out loud like he was the smartest person to ever live. This had to be stopped and I knew just what to do. I had to beat the ever living crap out of him. But that would have to wait until after dinner, the food was ready.
The Thanksgiving feast was ready and we were all prepared to eat our way to diabetes. We had a fried turkey, a smoked turkey, a ham, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce, mac and cheese, dressing, gravy, deviled eggs, and garlic and cheese biscuits. For dessert there were chocolate chip brownies, pizzelles, snickerdoodles, peanut butter cookies, blue bell ice cream, homemade apple pie and homemade pumpkin pie. I’m probably missing a few items, but it was clear that we were all going to have plenty of food to put us into a coma for the next few days. By Sunday, I had been laying around and eating so much, I was out of breath by just lifting a cookie to my mouth. This was a new level of gluttony that I hope I never see again. Wilford Bremley would be proud.
So after we stuffed ourselves, we were all pretty much uselses the rest of the day. We all sat around like a bunch of dying cows, trying to pump all of the gravy and lard through our systems. This is just a small part of what makes America great. After a night of the meat sweats, it was now Black Friday. One day you are Thankful for everything you have and life is perfect. The next, you’re choking out a stranger because a toaster has been marked down to $5.00. Black Friday brings out the inner serial killer in most normal people. We skipped most of the early sales, but did eventually make our way out to the shops around lunch time. We left the kids at home because we would have surely left them at a store had they come with us. If Amelia had broken down and started crying, Kristen would have lost it and just left her there. She was about to lose it on some random people, but she kept her cool. After almost being kicked out of a Kohl’s and cussing out a manager on black Friday a few years back, she was trying her best to avoid that again. Yes, that really happened.
After spending too much money on presents, and even more time in traffic, we made our way back home. Just in time for another celebratory meal. It was Kristen’s dad’s birthday. What better way to celebrate than with more food? We had a homemade meal of spaghetti and followed it up with some good ole apple pie and ice cream. I think next year, I am just going to inject pure sugar straight into my veins and skip all the leg work of consuming the food. We still had two days to go in this trip, and it would end with another 8 hour car ride. The last part of this trip, you can read about in the last entry. I will hope to have that to you soon.
Lewis Party of Five 
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